How to get the most out of therapy
(…And ensure a good fit)
I’ll preface this by saying that a therapist is trained to “work ourselves out of a job”. Our first job, the most important one per research, is to establish the therapeutic relationship. While we may share this common goal, none of us are the right fit for all clients and all of us have days when we are off – for some, months. It is our ethical responsibility to take time off from practicing if our personal difficulties are getting in the way of our work. Some clients may struggle to put themselves first because they know we’re human and there’s concern about how to navigate this real relationship, no matter how brief, that you have with us. The purpose of this blog post is to encourage you, the client, to get the most out of therapy and ensure a good fit. Your time, money, and effort is valuable! Yet often challenges and complaints about therapy are not about the therapist but reflective of growth that you weren’t prepared to face. Here are some guidelines to help to differentiate between the two:
GREEN LIGHTS IN THERAPY
Your therapist is authentic and honest with you.
You feel accepted even when they are encouraging you to grow.
Your therapist is adaptable (but may not bend when they deem it therapeutically advantageous).
You feel safe.
Points to discuss with your therapist:
What’s going well and what, within that safety, you can start to explore next that may not be as easy.
YELLOW LIGHTS IN THERAPY
You notice not enough of the session is connected to your original treatment goals. Goals do change as you refine your understanding of what you need, but your therapist should be able to have a strong sense of where you two are going. Remember we want the best for you and we cannot read your mind! We appreciate the feedback and opportunity to discuss the process.
Your therapist consistently makes incorrect reflective statements. We can’t always get it right – and in fact, sometimes we purposefully reflect something different to challenge you to refine what you mean. But inconsistently may indicate a poor match.
Questions to ask your therapist:
“I’m not seeing the results in therapy that I’d really hoped for. Can we revisit my treatment goals and make a plan for how to meet them?”
“I’m feeling stuck/unfocused/etc in therapy and I don’t know why. Are we able to discuss why that might be?”
Keep in mind there will be some degree of hesitation in opening up to your therapist. Questions like “will they laugh/criticize/belittle/be scared of what I say?” may be holding you back without you realizing it. If other people (family, friends, even that bully from 2nd grade) reacted poorly to something that you shared before, there might always be this protection. Unfortunately, since therapists are humans, there’s no guarantee they will respond appropriately. Yet, over time, you develop enough of a sense that it will most likely go well. There can be tremendous benefit from vocalizing your “secrets” and it’s ok to take your time.
RED LIGHTS IN THERAPY
Any safety or ethical concerns
Your therapist was not able to navigate the above in a way that improved your care or was responded to in a way that you felt disrespected
Termination or Transfer
Barring any safety or ethical concerns (for which you would report your therapist to the police or licensing board – DORA in Colorado), when you have decided to end therapy with your particular therapist, it can still be advantageous to go through the termination process over one or more sessions. Having the opportunity to discuss the misattunement and refine your needs for therapy can be reaffirming for you and provides communication skills practice that can pave the way for better relationships in the future. Sounds intimidating but kind of cool, right? Therapists been trained to navigate the end of a relationship, and a good therapist can support you in transitioning out of their care without taking your decision personally.
To feel out if I’m a potential good fit for you, schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation here on Alma